


Breaking Free From These Memories

by XxToBoldlyGoxX



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 21:01:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1061600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XxToBoldlyGoxX/pseuds/XxToBoldlyGoxX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a horrific loss, Frigga and Thor are haunted by memories and question if their family will ever be the same again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking Free From These Memories

_"Ju-Just hold on. It's going to be okay."_

_"Frigga, it's no use" said Odin, watching his wife as she tried to heal their son._

_"I'm not giving up on him. Not yet" she said as her hand glowed green over the wound._

_Loki writhed in pain._

_Frigga put her other hand on his face and began stroking his cheek._

_"Keep your eyes fixed on me, my child" she said._

_Loki's eyes locked on hers as he began to cry._

_It took everything in Frigga's power to not cry right along with him._

_Thor was pacing back and forth beside them, and every once in a while his eyes wandered to his brother lying, broken and bleeding, in his mother's lap, but the sight made him sick, so his eyes would go back to staring straight ahead._

_Frigga lowered the hand above Loki's wound and used it to cradle him in her arms._

_Loki was sobbing now._

_"Shh, shh" she said, rocking him like she did when he was a child._

_"I'm so scared, mother" said Loki._

_"Oh sweetie, it's going to be okay, it's going to be okay..." she said, as tears filled her own eyes._

_Loki's face contorted into one of agony as a wave of pain shot through his body._

_Frigga turned away, but she could feel his body trembling underneath her finger tips._

_When the spasm was over, he lay still, and Frigga would have thought he had died, had it not been for the tiny rise of his chest._

_He stared up at his mother, a small smile etched on his lips._

_"Tell me a st-story" he said, his pale skin turning an awful blue color._

_She looked to Odin for help, but he just shrugged and turned away from her._

_"Thor, come here" she said, quietly._

_Thor stopped pacing, and came and took a seat beside them._

_Loki turned his head slightly, and seeing Thor, his smile grew._

_"Remember when you were little and I used to take you and Thor to the meadows and you would chase the fireflies and have a competition to see who caught the most?"_

_"Yeah, the fire-fireflies were so beautiful. Lit up the whole mea-meadow."_

_"Yes, that's right, my child."_

_"If only we could have gone just...one more time."_

_He took one more breath as all the air in his lungs seemed to disappear from his body as if it had dissolved into mid air._

_His eyes wandered around for a moment, and then froze, focusing on nothing, but the blank space above him._

_"Loki?" Frigga said,her voice full of desperation._

_When Loki did not answer, she pulled him in closer and hugged him tightly._

_"No, no" she said, tears falling down her cheeks._

_She stared down at her son, lying so peacefully in her arms, and as reality hit her, she began to sob uncontrollably._

_Thor went to console her, but Odin stopped him._

_"I'll deal with her" he said, grabbing Frigga by the shoulders._

_"No! What are you doing?" she screamed at Odin._

_"We have to go."_

_"We can't just leave him here!" she said, her grip on Loki's body increasing._

_Odin saw this, and began prying her fingertips off of him._

_"Stop it!" she wailed, as Odin hoisted her to her feet._

_Thor tried to intervene, but Odin stared at him threateningly as if to say "don't even think about it."_

_Taking one last look at Loki's body, Odin said "Heimdall, we're ready."_

_Frigga fought against Odin's grip on her, but try as she may, he would not let go._

_She screamed as the planet disappeared from view and they were sucked into space._

Frigga sat up in bed.

Her heart was racing and her cheeks were wet with tears.

She began to panic, but turning her head, she noticed Odin lying peacefully beside her.

"It was just a dream" she said, catching her breath.

She laid back down and stared up at the ceiling for a moment, before deciding that sleep wasn't going to do her any good.

She stood up, put on her robe, and without another glance at Odin, left the room.

As she walked through the dark and deserted hallways of the palace, parts of the dream kept invading her mind.

She closed her eyes and disregarded the thoughts.

When she opened her eyes, she no longer saw the dream, but instead saw her two sons as children running among the pillars of the palace.

She stopped dead in her tracks and watched them in awe.

"You'll never catch me" said Thor.

The next thing she knew, Loki had appeared in front of Thor.

"Got you!" he said.

"Hey, that's not fair. You can't use your illusions."

"Says who?"

"Mom!" said Thor, running away laughing.

"Mom doesn't care" said Loki, racing after him.

As Loki passed Frigga, she stuck out her arm to grab him, but to her horror and disappointment, her arm went right through him.

She waved her hand in the air, and sighed as her illusions disappeared into the darkness.

She stood there, staring at her hand and the empty darkness in front of her, and then continued on her way.

It wasn't long before she reached her destination.

A door, hidden away from the rest of the world.

Had it been someone's first time in Asgard, they probably would have never even noticed it was there.

Just as she expected, the door was unlocked.

Had it not been, she could have easily used to her magic, but she refrained from using it for such silly things.

As she walked into the room, she became aware of a coldness, a coldness that hadn't been there the last couple times she had been in there.

Immediately, she found herself wandering to the chest at the foot of the bed.

She opened it, and after searching through it for a few minutes, found exactly what she was looking for.

She stood up, closed the chest, and taking a seat on the bed, unfolded the green and gold blanket across her lap.

It was just as soft as she remembered.

She rubbed the fabric against her cheek and sighed, inhaling the sweet smell, as if she was trying to familiarize herself with it.

She soon began to get tired and she found herself falling asleep with the blanket by her side.

 

_"Mother?"_

_"Yes, Loki?"_

_"Am I going to be king one day?"_

_Frigga nodded._

_"Well, wh-what if I don't want to be king?"_

_"Then Thor will get the throne."_

_"Thor was always going to get the throne. It was never going to be me."_

_"Now, that's not true" said Frigga, looking down at her son lying beside her._

_"Yeah, it is. They all hate me and think I'm weird."_

_"Loki, the only ones that hate you are the ones that don't know you" replied Frigga._

_Loki looked up at her, hope in his eyes._

_"If they don't want you as king, then that's their loss, not yours. In my opinion, I think you'd make a fine king. Even better than Thor if I do say so myself."_

_"Do you really mean it?" asked Loki, springing up from where he was lying._

_"Yes, I do"_

_Loki jumped into his mother's arms._

_"I love you" he said, snuggling against her._

_"I love you too."_

Frigga opened her eyes.

"Loki?" she said, hopefully, looking beside her.

To her despair, it wasn't Loki, but his baby blanket.

Tears filled her eyes, and out of anger, she threw his baby blanket across the room.

She sat there, coming to terms with what she had just done, and then jumped up and picked the blanket up off the floor.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she said, holding the blanket close to her.

She laid her head against the pillow, and fell asleep with tears in her eyes and the blanket snuggled against her body.

 

"How many more times is she going to do this?" Odin asked Thor, the next morning, as the two of them stood outside Loki's bedroom.

"Father, she is mourning. Can't you just let her be?"

"No, I can't just let her be. She hasn't spoken to me in weeks" he said, angrily, peering through the crack in the door at his wife sleeping in their son's bed.

"Well, I don't see you making much of an effort."

"What did you say?" asked Odin, turning towards his son.

"Father, I'm not trying to argue with you, but maybe if you made an effort to talk to her, then she'd talk to you."

"What am I supposed to say?" replied Odin, throwing his hands in the air, "Oh, I'm sorry our son died, but it's been two months, and the palace really could use it's queen back."

Thor stared at his father, a look of disbelief on his face.

"How could you be so vain?"

"I'm not sure if you remember, but Loki and I never got along."

"Of course I remember, but that is no reason to disregard the fact that your child died!"

"He was never my child!" Odin screamed.

"No, but he was mother's" said Thor, walking past his father and into Loki's old room.

 

The first thing that caught his eye as he closed the door behind him was how incredibly empty the room was.

He was never able to make illusions like his mother and brother, but the longer he stared at the emptiness, the more furniture seemed to appear.

The chairs by the window, which Thor and Loki had sat in days before Loki's death.

The large table in the center, which Loki had requested be put in there so he could eat dinner in peace whenever he wasn't feeling like conversing with the rest of the family.

The wardrobe which held his armor.

His armor.

Thor didn't know what to expect when he opened the wardrobe, but what he found made his heart drop.

It was completely empty except for Loki's helmet.

Thor picked up the helmet with shaking hands, and stared at himself in the reflection.

 

_Loki appeared behind him._

_"It's hideous, isn't it?"_

_"No, I don't think so" said Thor, examining the helmet with its large curved gold horns._

_"I don't know why father even bothered giving me armor, let alone a helmet."_

_"To protect you" said Thor, handing Loki's helmet back to him, and picking up his own helmet._

_"Oh please" said Loki, "Father could care less if I'm protected. For all I know, he probably wants me dead."_

_"Loki!" came a voice._

_Both Loki and Thor turned to see their mother entering the room._

_"Well, it's true."_

_"It most certainly is not. Your father does not want you dead."_

_"Well, then why'd he give me this hideous helmet?"_

_"It's not hid-wait, what's with the horns?" asked Frigga, slightly confused._

_"Exactly!" said Loki._

_"Let me see yours" said Frigga to Thor._

_Thor handed her his helmet._

_"I just don't get it" she said._

_Thor started to laugh, causing a large grin to form on Loki's face._

_"Well, at least the people of Asgard will know me for being weird and having a ridiculous helmet" said Loki, staring at his helmet._

_Now even Frigga was laughing._

_"Come here, you two" she said, setting Thor's helmet aside and opening her arms._

_Both of them, though they were much taller than her, accepted her embrace._

_The three of them stood there, fully absorbed in the embrace, when they were interrupted by the sound of Odin calling for Frigga._

_"Coming!" she yelled back._

_She let go of them and disappeared from the room, only to appear a second later._

_"Regardless of what your helmets look like, I think you're both pretty amazing."_

_"Thank you mother" said Thor._

_Loki nodded in agreement._

_She smiled at them before leaving the room for good._

_Loki put on his helmet and Thor did the same._

_"You ready, brother?"_

_"As ready as I'll ever be."_

_Loki stared at his brother and seeing the anxious look in his eyes said, "don't worry, you'll be fine."_

_"How do you know?"_

_"I just do."_

_Loki gave his brother a pat on the back, and then left the room without another word._

Thor returned to his senses and he was no longer looking at the space where his brother had once been, but at his reflection staring back at him from Loki's helmet.

A single tear slid down his cheek, which he quickly wiped away.

He set the helmet back in the wardrobe and closed it, before heading over to the bed where his mother slept.

"Mother" he said, sitting beside her and touching her shoulder.

"What? What is it?" she said, opening her eyes and sitting up quickly.

"Is everything alr-"

She stopped mid-sentence as she realized where she was.

"It happened again, didn't it?"

"Yes" said Thor.

Frigga laid back down and turned her back to him.

"Is he mad?"

"Is who mad?"

"Your father."

"Only that you won't talk to him."

Though, Thor couldn't see her face, he could tell she was rolling her eyes.

Neither of them spoke for a while, and Thor had thought his mother had fallen asleep when she said "Do you want to go somewhere?"

"Wait, now?"

Frigga rolled over and faced Thor.

"Yes, why don't we just disappear for a little while?"

"Father will never-"

"To hell with what Odin thinks" said Frigga, standing up.

It was then that Thor saw the green and gold blanket that he recognized all too well.

"I know exactly where we should go. I think you'll be very happy with the place I cho-"

She stopped, noticing his eyes lingering on the blanket.

She didn't know quite what to say, so she just stood there, watching him.

She half expected him to pick the blanket up and examine it as she had that past evening, but he didn't.

He seemed frozen in time, staring at nothing but the blanket in front of him.

"Thor" Frigga finally said after a few minutes of silence.

Thor turned around and faced her.

"We should get going" she said, calmly.

"Yeah, we should."

Frigga left the room, and Thor followed, but not without taking one last look at the blanket.

The two walked the halls in silence, nodding occasionally at the people passing by, but having no intention of conversing with anyone.

They stopped only once so that Frigga could change out of her nightgown, then headed straight to Heimdall at the bridge.

"Where are you headed, my lady?" asked Heimdall, when her and Thor approached.

"The meadows."

"The meadows?" Thor asked, surprised.

Frigga didn't have time to reply for Heimdall had opened the portal and she and Thor were sucked into space.

 

It wasn't long before the darkness opened up and Frigga and Thor found themselves standing in a sunlit meadow.

"Why are we here?" asked Thor, as he and his mother took a seat in the long grass.

"Because we need to talk."

"About what?"

"Loki."

"Mother-" said Thor, sternly.

"I have a reason for not talking to your father about it, but there's no reason you and I haven't talked about it."

"You were mourning and I wanted to give you space."

"I know, and for that I am grateful, but keeping your feelings bottled up inside isn't going to get you anywhere."

"I'm not keeping my feelings bottled up inside"

"Thor" said Frigga, raising an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe I am, but you have to understand why."

"And I do."

"You do?"

Frigga nodded, “You needed someone to talk to, but I was too consumed with my own grief and there was no way you were going to talk to your father about it." ”

“Yes” said Thor.

“Well, I’m sorry for not being there when you needed me.”

“It’s alright” said Thor, “really.”

Frigga looked at him and smiled.

“Do you miss him?” Thor asked.

“All the time.”

“Is that why you go to his room when you can’t sleep?”

“Yes.”

“And sleep with his baby blanket?”

“His baby blanket is the only thing that I have that reminds me that he did exist and that I was his mother.”  


“Much like I have his helmet to remember him by?”

“Exactly.”

There was a pause and the only sound that could be heard was the sound of the wind blowing through the grass .

“I’ve never asked you this before, but how come you taught Loki all your magic and not me?”

“I knew Loki was different, and from a young age, I could tell that he had a knack for magic, whereas I didn’t see that in you.”

“Yeah, but you still could have taught me regardless of if you thought it was going to work or not.”

“Now, now” said Frigga, noticing a hint of jealousy in Thor’s eyes, “I could also tell that you’d be fine with or without magic, whereas I worried for Loki and his well being.”

“Why? He was plenty strong.”

“Because he was a Jotun.”

“So, you always knew he was a Jotun?”

“Yes, I did and I’m sad that he had to die knowing that.”

“Did you ever consider telling him when he was a child?”

“Yes, many times, but your father wanted to wait till Loki was an adult. He but he threatened to have me banished if I said a word so I didn’t."

Frigga sighed and stared out at the vast meadow before them, "If only I did. Then he wouldn't have found out on his own and been in so much pain.”

“You think that caused him pain?”

“Oh yes, a great deal.”

“Why?”

“It meant that he was farther away from being your equal.”

“My equal?”

“Yes. Loki, however happy he was to have my magic skills, would have given it all up if it meant he could be seen as you were; a hero.”

“But he was a hero.”

“Not in many people’s eyes, I’m afraid.”

“We all make mistakes.”

“For Loki, one mistake was one too many.”

Frigga sighed, breathing in the sweet smells of the meadow.

“I wish I had been able to help him." 

“You did."

“No, I didn’t” said Frigga, shaking her head, “he was broken and I thought that I could fix him, but I couldn't, and now look where he is, lying cold in some hole in the ground.”

As she said the last couple words, she began to cry.

Thor sat there beside her, not knowing whether to console her or let her be.

“Forgive me” she said, wiping away her tears.

“You do not have to be forgiven for you did nothing wrong” said Thor, hugging her.

“Thank you, my son” she said, hugging him back.

They sat there in the grass holding each other, and for the first time since Loki had died, Thor broke down.

He wasn't sure why seeing his mother cry had provoked such tears, but whatever the reason, he was glad for he was finally letting go of all the anger and sadness he had kept bundled up inside.

Once both had stopped crying and were able to form complete sentences without stuttering, Thor suggested that they leave.

Frigga agreed, and he let go of her and helped her to her feet.

He turned to leave, but Frigga stopped him.

“Before we go, there’s something I must do.”

“Okay” said Thor.

Frigga raised her arm in the air and began moving it in a circular motion.

Before Thor knew what was happening, the sun had disappeared and the sky had gone dark.

“Mother, what are you doing?”

Frigga didn’t answer, but the more Thor watched, the more he realized exactly what she was doing.

The dark meadow soon began to light up.

Not thanks to the moon or to the stars, but thanks to fireflies.

“I bet I can catch more than you!” Thor heard a voice say, and turning around, he saw his mother walking towards him and at her side was him and Loki as children.

The two of them ran past Thor, but his mother stopped beside him and smiled at him.

Thor smiled back as he watched her go and and stood beside his own mother.

Frigga turned her head slightly to acknowledge her other self, and then directed her attention back to the meadows in front of her.

“I got one!” yelled Loki.

“Yeah, well I’ve already got three.”

“That’s not fair!”

“Yeah, it is. You’re just slow.”

“Oh really?” said Loki.

Thor watched as Loki split into five versions of himself, and then returned standing in front of his brother.

He opened his hand to reveal ten fireflies, which flew above them and disappeared into the night.

“Now, that’s really not fair. You cheated just like you did in tag."

“Better luck next time” said Loki, running away from him.

Thor let the fireflies he was holding go, and chased after his brother.

 

Once Frigga was satisfied with the way things had played out, she lowered her hand and as quickly as she had conjured them, her illusions disappeared.

"Why'd you do it?" Thor asked.

"It is the way things should be."

"Is that how illusions work?"

"Yes, they are basically the version of reality that you want most."

Thor thought for a moment and then said, "The last thing Loki had said before he died was how he wanted to go to the meadows one more time."

Frigga nodded.

A smile formed on Thor's lips.

"Well, I think he got his wish."


End file.
